Hey, Sammy
by sahaaa
Summary: Not a Wincest. Drabbles from Dean to Sam; it seemed like a good idea at the time.
1. 01

Hey, Sammy, I'm Dean, your big brother. You're in a hospital right now, because you've just been born, but me and Dad are watching over you, so don't worry. Mom's asleep right now, but, boy, was she happy when I saw her. I don't know if you can see properly yet (your eyes are all squinty, so I'm not really sure), but she's beautiful, isn't she? Especially when she smiles. You're going to love her, Sammy, and Dad, too. They're great. I wish you could see how happy you've made them, and me too. When you were in Mommy's belly, she smiled all the time, and her and Dad didn't argue as much. Now that you're here, it's going to be like that all the time, and we're going to be the happiest family ever. Dad can't stop smiling as we stand here, watching over you. He keeps ruffling my hair and telling me he's the luckiest man alive. He's crying, but he tells me it's from happiness. I don't really understand, but I guess I will when I'm a grown up.

I can't wait for you to get a little bit older; just think of the tricks we can play on Mom and Dad! Although, for now, it's just me playing tricks, so I'll have to blame you, sometimes, so I don't get in as much trouble. It's only fair, Sammy, because you're my little brother, so you have to share some of the blame, even if you didn't do it. But it's okay; you're a baby, so you won't get in trouble. It sounds so weird saying that I have a little brother now. I like it, though. I mean, it was great being an only child, but now I have someone to look up to me and somebody to play with! When you get a little bit older, I'm going to play with you and give you advice and help you be good at things and basically be the bestest big brother in the whole world! There are some rules, though! You're not allowed to take Mom or Dad away from me, or break any of my stuff. I'll be really unhappy if you do, and I don't want to ever fall out with you or be angry with you. I want us to always be happy!

Sammy, you're going to love our house! It's so big! It's great for games and running around. When you can walk, that is. You've got your own room, as well. I helped Mom and Dad decorate it a little while back. It's blue, I hope you like blue. I wanted you to be in my room with me, but Mommy convinced me it would be better if you had your own. Me and Dad made you a mobile made out of things from all of our rooms, so you'd have a piece of all of us with you. I really hope you like it, it took us so long to do! Anyway, I've got to go home now, Sammy, it's getting late. I'll see you when you get there!


	2. 02

**A/N: I hope you guys like this. It's really just something for when I get writer's block, to get the juices flowing again. I've got 12 chapters, but I don't know if I'll post them all; it depends on how they're received. So, yeah, I hope you enjoy it and, if you do, please review so I know what I'm doing right/wrong!**

Hey, Sammy, don't worry, I've got you. Please don't cry, Sammy, please. I know you're scared. I'm scared, too. One minute I'm asleep, the next Dad's giving you to me and telling me to go outside, without looking back. Something's wrong, Sammy, I can feel it. I think you can feel it, too. I'm so scared, but I'll try and be brave for you. I'm glad you're here, though. You're only one, but you're my brother, so I need you. I need Mom and Dad, too, but I don't know where they are. They're somewhere in the house. I hope they're not in your room, Sammy, because all I can see in your window is smoke and flames. I want to go in and find them, but I can't leave you all alone out here. I'd never do that to you, Sammy. I'd never leave you.

Dad's come out of the house, now, but he's not explaining what's going on. He's picking us up and taking us away from the house. We're sitting on the car bonnet, now, and I keep asking where Mom is, but he's not talking. I'm so scared, Sammy. Where is she? Why hasn't she come outside? Maybe she's getting all the important things out of the house so that they don't burn. Yeah, that's it; she's putting all our things together: our clothes, our toys, Dad's wallet, her medicine. That's what she's doing. She'll step outside any moment now, and we'll get in the car and drive away. She can't be gone, Sammy, she can't be. We need her.

Dad's crying now, but he's trying to hide it. It's okay, Sammy; don't you cry, too. Everything's going to be okay, Sammy. I'm trying to reassure Dad, but I'm not sure that even I believe myself. Mom's been in there a long time, now, and an ambulance and a police car are arriving. Dad's given you to me again, and he's talking to the policeman. I'm trying to listen, even though he doesn't want me to hear. Sammy, I don't know if you can understand, but don't listen to them. They're talking about Mom as if she's gone away. Just look at me, Sammy. No, don't look at the house, look at me. I don't want you to see that, or remember this night. Just look at me. I want you to know, Sammy, that you can always come to me when things get scary like this. Just come to your big brother and I'll always make it better for you.

Dad's talking to us now. He wants to take you off me, but I won't let him. _I_ want to be the one to hold you and keep you safe. He's telling us that we need to go, **now**. I don't want to go without Mom, but Dad's saying that she can't come with us, that she's had to go away. Don't listen, Sammy, he's lying. Mom'll be out any moment now. She's not gone, Sammy, she's _not. _She can't be. No. Why is Dad lying to us, Sammy? He's hugging us now, and telling us that it's okay. Maybe he's not lying. He's crying, which is making me cry. But you've stopped crying now, Sammy; you're stronger than me and Dad. Oh, God, Sammy, she really _is _gone. I'm glad you're not crying, because I don't ever want to see you sad. You cry all the time, but that's because you're a baby. If you were crying now, though, I'd know it'd be from you being sad. I don't want you to cry, ever. I'll do anything to make you smile, baby brother, and I'll fix anything that ever makes you sad. That's why I'm glad you're not crying now, because I don't know how to make this one better. I don't think Dad knows either, because we're sitting in the car now, and he's just hitting the steering wheel. He's scaring me, Sammy, but I hope he's not scaring you.

It's okay, Sammy, you sleep now. Me and Dad will protect you. Always.


	3. 03

**A/N: This one is set when they're kids, as seen in the episode "Something Wicked". The thing that 'got' Sammy was the shtriga, in case that wasn't clear.**

**Enjoy, and review, maybe?**

I'm so sorry, Sammy, really. I'm so sorry. I was only gone for like a half an hour; I didn't know this was going to happen. I didn't know that something would come to get you, and I'd come home to find you on the floor and Dad over you. I'm so sorry, little brother. I never meant for you to get hurt. If anything seriously bad happens to you, I'm never going to forgive myself. I promised to protect you and make sure you never got hurt, but I let you down. All because I wanted to go to the arcade. I'm such a bad brother, Sammy, and I'm so sorry. Please be okay. Dad's yelling at me, but I know I deserve it, so I don't say anything. He's saying that you're lucky to be alive. I can't hear anything he's saying now; _you're okay. _ Thank God. I'm so sorry, Sammy, I'll never leave you again. I promised, way back, that I would never leave you, and I broke that promise. I'm just stressed, Sammy, you know? I'm a kid, still, I should be able to go to the arcade whenever I want and not have to worry about something getting you.

Sometimes, I really resent Dad for giving us this life, Sammy. We're young; we shouldn't have to move every few weeks, give up everything at the drop of a hat, and I shouldn't have to fear for both our lives. Dad shouldn't be out for days on end. He should be with us, taking us to ball games and looking after us. No, no, if we're saying what should be, then _Mom _should be here. Not here specifically, but _alive, _with us.

Except, I don't really resent Dad. He's doing the best he can with a bad lot. He loves us a lot, Sammy, no matter how many bad decisions he makes. I can see how much he loves us as he tucks you back into bed and kisses your forehead. It's because he loves us so much that he's so angry with me. I can take his anger, though, because I know I did wrong. You're too young to understand, Sammy, but the world is a scary place, especially our world. I'm not giving Dad any lip, for once, and I think he knows how sorry I am. I can tell he's not too angry, though, just relieved that you're fine. I'm glad, too. I'm sitting next to you, not, watching over you as you sleep. You look so peaceful, Sammy, and it actually makes me sad knowing what life you're being brought into. I don't want this life for you. I want you to grow up, have friends, find a girl, go to college, get married, _be normal, _but I know that you can't. You're in too deep, Sammy, and you don't even know it yet.

But what if we could get out of here, Sammy? Like I said, we're young, so maybe it's not too late for us. We're just holding Dad back, anyway, and I can take care of you, like I always have. Just imagine: me and you, we could have it great. I know I'm too young now, but when I'm old enough, I could get a job and we could get out of here. It'd be great, Sammy. We could still see Dad, but we wouldn't constantly have to be on the move. I mean, of course we'd miss him, but imagine having friends, a girlfriend even! I know we've got each other, but just imagine actually having friends, Sammy. Now, that'd be cool. And I'd save up real hard and get us a really awesome car like Dad's, and everyone would want to hang out with us! It'd be so awesome, Sammy, I just wish I could make it happen for us.

I don't know how Dad would take it. I think he'd be real annoyed at first, but I think he'd let us go. I do feel sorry for him sometimes, Sammy. He's still so caught up about Mom. We all are, but I think his heart is still completely broke. That's the only thing I'd worry about if we left: how Dad would be. He really loved Mom, like he does us, and to lose her was so hard on him, that I don't know how he'd take us leaving. His heart is in the right place, he just doesn't realise that Mom would never have wanted this for us. I don't think she would have, anyway. Oh, Sammy, I miss her so much. That day haunts me every day, and I'm glad you were too little to remember it. It actually breaks my heart, Sammy, that you'll never remember her. She had the most beautiful eyes and the best smile. She was so kind, as well. I mean, I was only four, but I remember. I remember her always hugging me and picking me up and telling me she loved me. She loved you, Sammy, so much, remember that. You may not remember her, but she did. We were happy before, but after you came, life was so good. I'd do anything to have her back, so you could meet her and have memories of her.

But it's not use dwelling on what should be, or what could be, Sammy, we have to focus on here and now. Dad's fallen asleep now, so I'm going to go put a blanket over him and then maybe I'll get some sleep. Goodnight, Sammy, sweet dreams.


	4. 04

**A/N: This one isn't as good as the others, in my opinion.**

**Read and review? **

Hey, Sammy, you little shit. Why do you have to piss Dad off so much? Getting into fights at school is not cool, little bro, you should know that by now. You could have killed that kid, and then we all would have been in trouble, especially Dad. You just don't _think _sometimes, and it's so infuriating. I know you were just sticking up for that nerd, but you need to remember that other kids haven't been _trained _to fight, like we have. You can't get involved, Sammy, and I do wonder why you even care. You're not going to know these people in a few weeks, so there's no use getting into trouble over them.

I mean, I get why you did it. Us Winchesters can't resist helping people, but you need to learn that there is a _line. _I'm not too mad, I guess, and I don't suppose Dad is, either. I'm secretly quite proud of you, for wanting to help that kid; you just went the wrong way about it. I've told you, time and time again, that you come to me if you ever need help, _and I will deal with it. _You're my little brother, I'll do anything to defend you, you know that. Even if the kid if 6 foot 9 and a freaking wrestler, I'll kill him if he touches you. Just wait until Monday, watch what I do to the kid that tried to hurt you. See, I _can _start a fight with him, because he's my age, and I know how to control myself so that my fighting isn't so clean and crisp. I know I hardly set a good example, Sammy, but he tried to hurt you, and I can't let that slide. What's that saying? "Do as I say, not as I do", yeah, that's right, Sammy. Listen to me, don't follow my example. You do not want to end up like me, or Dad.

Please try not to break any more rules, Sammy, and try not to piss off Dad. You're meant to be the clever one, Sammy, _do not waste it. _I'm meant to be the reckless one that's never going to get anywhere in life, not you. You know it makes Dad angry when you do shit like that, Sammy. He tries really hard to keep us happy and safe, but if you go breaking rules like that and drawing attention to us, it's all for nothing. I just don't understand, Sammy, because it's not just this fight, it's everything. You just seem _intent _on pissing Dad off and making him unhappy. I just don't get it. He tries, he really does, and all you do is resent him for it. Whatever, Sammy, it's up to you, I guess…


	5. 05

**A/N: I think it's pretty obvious when this one is set: when Sam leaves Dean and John to go to Stanford.**

**Enjoy :)**

I can't believe you really left, Sammy. I didn't think you'd actually go. How could you do this, Sammy? Didn't you hear what Dad said? "If you go, don't bother coming back," and you still went. You know I can't leave Dad, and you just severed all ties with him! You know what that means, Sammy? You just severed all ties with me, and that hurts. A lot. After everything Dad's done for you, hell, after everything_ I've _done for you, you just leave? You just walk out, knowing you can't return, but not caring. Not cool, Sammy.

I mean, of course I want you to have a good life, hell; I was the one who planned it all out for us. I had it all worked out, but I never got the chance to show you, because you just walked out. I'm happy that you're getting away, but not like this. Not with all this hate and anger. I can't deal with that, Sammy. I can't deal with not seeing you again. Why would you do this? No, I shouldn't be angry with you. I should be happy for you, and I am. You've done what I never could: you stood up to Dad, and I really hope you succeed. I am proud of you, Sammy, so proud, but I'll miss you so much. You were the only thing that kept me going as a kid, and without you now, I think I'll go crazy. I hope you know that you can call me if you ever need anything, but I doubt you will. You're so damn stubborn, Sammy, but I hope you realise that I'm always here for you. Day or night, whenever, no matter where I am, I will have time for you. Not that you'll probably need me, or Dad. Especially not Dad. You've never really needed him, have you, Sammy? You did nothing but argue for the last couple of years, so I guess, in a way, it's good that you're separated.

But you know I don't believe that, Sammy. You know I'd rather you were here. Actually, I wish I could have come with you. If we're being totally honest, you know what I'd wish for. But, for now, I'd settle on just going with you. I wish I could just get away and start a new life, like I planned when I was a kid. Why did only _you _get to escape, Sammy? Why couldn't _I_ have the apple pie life? I had dreams, too, you know, but I could never have left you to fulfil them. You needed me, Sammy, so I stayed, and now you've gone. Do you know how that feels? I gave everything for you, and you've left me here, with Dad, to lead this shitty life he's set out for me. It sucks, Sammy, it sucks a lot. I can't believe you'd be so selfish, especially to Dad. Everything he did, he did for us, and you're basically throwing it back in his face.

What do you think you're going to do, Sammy? You know that the past will catch up with you and I won't be there to protect you. You think all the bad crap won't come back to haunt you? What are you gonna do then, Sammy? Ignore it, and let the people around you get killed? Or, fix it and tell people who you really are? I think you know how this is going to end, just don't want to admit it. But, okay, Sammy, you live in your little fairytale life for a few years, and see what happens. Just remember, Dad and I can't help you out where you are, not straight away anyway, and by then it might be too late.

Oh, God, I'm sorry. No, I'm happy for you, I really am. I'm just jealous, I guess. And, I can't help but go into big brother mode and be worried. Just be careful, Sammy, please, for me. I know you can take care of yourself, but I've always looked out for you. It's going to be weird, just having to take care of myself. Most people would be so pleased; most people would think it as a burden lifted, but I don't. I liked looking out for you and taking care of you. I'm really going to miss you, Sammy. Have fun, good luck, and be safe, baby brother.


	6. 06

**A/N: I'm glad that people are actually enjoying this. I'll go write some more!**

Hey, Sammy; it was so good to see you again. I've missed you, although I don't really think you've missed me. The look on your face when you realised it was me hurt a lot. It was good to see you've kept your hunter instincts with you, though. Still, I'm so glad I saw you; I think it's just what I needed. With Dad gone, I've been… Well, I've been lonely, I guess. I hate to admit that, but I am: I'm lonely. I hate being alone, Sammy. It was great to be a team again, me and you. I've missed your smartass comments and your bitch face. I know it sounds lame, but that was the best job I've done in a long time. Well, in two years, I suppose, since you left. We really kicked ass back there, didn't we, Sammy? Just like old times. Even if you did nearly get yourself killed. But, what have I always told you? I've got your back, no matter what.

The only thing that got to me was how much you've _changed. _You're so much more assertive now that you haven't got Dad to boss you around, although that was a pain in my ass at first. But, that's not the only thing that's changed about you, you're so much more cynical. Did me or Dad do that to you, Sammy? I'm so sorry. The way you spoke about Mom broke my heart. Sure, you don't remember her, but she's still your _mom, _and she did give her life for you. Be pissed off at me and Dad all you like, but don't blame this on Mom. Dad and I are the ones obsessed with catching her killer, it's not her fault. I'm sorry you feel that way, though, Sammy. I can't help but think it's at least partially my fault. I've spent so long obsessing over her death with Dad, that we forgot to check that you were dealing.

If that's the case, then I guess I can't really blame you for not wanting to come with me. You've got your life here, now. I now that, but I guess I'd hoped you'd still want to come. Although, if I had your life, I'd want to hold on to it, too. You've got it all, Sammy: friends, a girlfriend (who is so hot, by the way), a home, you're even going to freaking _law school. _I know that if I had all that, I'd have trouble leaving it, too. I'm happy for you Sammy, really, I am. I just miss you. I guess I kind of thought you might miss me, too, but it's okay that you don't. Hell, _I _wouldn't miss me.

I just don't know what to do, Sammy. You know me, I'm always doing _something; _I've always got a _plan, _but this time I don't. I'm so lost right now. Dad's gone, and I have no idea where is it, you're gone and not coming back, so it's just me. I have no idea what I need to do to get you and Dad back, but I'd do literally anything. I'm so confused, Sammy, I've never been on my own before. It's not even like I can do what you did and just settle down somewhere; I've got to find Dad. He could be in real trouble, and I've got to help him, no matter what. It would've been great if you'd have decided to come, but you didn't, and I need to get over that. Dammit, Sammy, I just need somebody to help me. I tried to hint that to you all weekend, you know how I hate to actually ask for help, but I guess you either didn't understand or didn't care.

Wait, Sammy, I can hear something. Screaming. Oh, God, another flashback. Not now. I never told you about those, did I? More screaming. I've had them ever since I was a kid. More screaming. Wait, I don't think this is a flashback. Oh, God, there's flames coming from your window. Jesus, not again. Not another fire. I can't deal with them ever since Mom's death, but don't worry, Sammy, I'm coming to help you. Oh, God, Sammy, please let me be wrong, please let that not be your room. Please let this be some accident in some other guy's room, not yours. I can't lose you like I lost her, Sammy, I just can't. I'm coming, Sammy, just please be okay...


	7. 07

**A/N: Enjoy?**

Hey, Sammy. You look so peaceful sleeping right now, but I know it won't be long before your face distorts and you start thrashing and screaming out. But, for now, at least, you're sleeping peacefully, which I'm glad for. I'm worried about you, Sammy, so worried. You're not coping with Jessica's death at all. I mean, of course I don't expect you to be jumping for joy or anything, but you're just not _you _at the moment. I can't stand to see you in such pain, Sammy; it really kills me. You're my baby brother, and all I want to do is protect you and keep you safe and happy, but I'm not sure what to do this time. You just won't talk to me. All I want if for you to talk to me, but you know how I am with all that emotional crap, so I don't know where to start.

I don't like this sudden change in you, Sammy. When we came out of your apartment after the fire, the determination in your eyes and the authority in your voice, well, it scared me. You've never scared me before, Sammy, and I really don't like what Jessica's death has done to you. I know I wanted you to come with me, but not like this, not with you hurting so badly. I don't know how to help you, but I want to. You're becoming obsessed with Jess's, and Mom's, killer. It's quite ironic, really, if you think about it; you hated Dad for being obsessed with Mom's killer, it completely drove you away, and now that very same obsession has brought you back. Maybe now, you'll understand Dad a little more, and when we find him, maybe you two can get along a bit better. It sucks that the death of somebody you loved had to be the thing that brought you back to me, and I really am sorry, Sammy, but didn't you think all this seemed inevitable? Our lives are never easily, surely you've realised this by now?

Sorry, Sammy, I shouldn't think that. I really am sorry about your girlfriend, and I'm sorry that you have to be dragged back into this life. Of course, the selfish part of me is so happy to have you back, but I've always wanted you to be safe and out of this. You were doing so good for yourself, Sammy, and it makes me sad that you've had all that taken away from you. I hope you know how proud I was of you, and how proud I still am. I know, when you left, that I seemed so angry, but I wasn't, not really. I was so proud of you, baby brother, and so was Dad, even if he showed it less than I did. He always went on about you; told everybody about his little Sammy going off to law school and how you were going to be some high-flying lawyer, and how he was so proud of you.

You're starting to twitch a little bit now, but I'll leave you for a couple minutes longer. You need sleep, Sammy, no matter what you say. You can't go on as you are now, sleeping in the Impala as we drive from place to place, waking me up at five because you've already been up for hours. I'll let you sleep for now, but I won't let you get too bad, don't worry. I'll wake you soon. Just sleep for now, Sammy, before your demons catch up with you. You always do the same things: first you twitch, then your face screws up, then you shake and shout out her name. Sometimes, I hear you say that it's all your fault. Do you really think that, Sammy? Do you really blame yourself? It really wasn't your fault, you should know that. It was that _thing _that killed her, that _thing _that killed Mom.

It's weird, Sammy; these murders seem to be aimed at _you. _First Mom, then your girlfriend; it's weird, and that's what worries me the most. I can't work out if the attacks were designed for you, and just got the wrong person, or if something wants to cut off everything you love. I'm terrified for you, Sammy. I couldn't deal if something bad happened to you, Sammy. I just couldn't take it, so I'm going to do everything I can to keep you safe. Nothing is going to hurt you, Sammy, not as long as I'm still here.


	8. 08

**A/N: Enjoy! This one's set during 1x08 'Home', where they go back to Kansas and Dean finds out about Sam's visions.**

Hey, Sammy, so it's been a weird one, eh? Not only your visions, but going _home. _I don't suppose you really remembered the house, but I did. It was so odd walking through it again; so many memories came flooding back. When we were in the living room, I couldn't stop thinking about this one time, just after you'd been born, when Dad had an afternoon off. All four of us were sitting there, in that very room, playing with my trucks. You were too little, obviously, so you and Mom sat and watched me and Dad. I remember it so clearly: we raced them and made them crash into each other, whilst Mom sat with you and smiled over all of us. It didn't matter that we were just playing with trucks for hours; all that mattered was that we were together, all four of us. Oh, God, how corny. We were so happy in that house Sammy; it was filled with so much laughter and happiness. I mean, it is now, I guess, but not because of us.

Didn't you find it weird to find another family in there, Sammy? I guess you didn't, actually, if you didn't remember the house. It's weird to think that somebody else lives there now, that out history there has been completely forgotten. I knew, deep down, that the house wouldn't stay derelict forever, but I just never expected to have to face the new family there. I can't get over it, Sammy, it feels like they shouldn't be there. _We _should be there, Dad should be there, _Mom _should be there. But, we're not. To be honest, they're not the ones who shouldn't be there; _we are. _We're the strangers now. I thought I'd be okay coming back, but I'm not. There are memories everywhere I look, and that night just keeps coming back to me. It's too much, Sammy, it's just too much.

But that's not what's important. My nostalgia can be put aside; what really matters is _you_, and these visions you've been having. This is seriously bad stuff, Sammy, and we need to figure out what's going on, before something bad happens. Doesn't it seem like all of this is connected: the murders, the visions, coming back to the house? Something bad is about to go down, Sammy, I just can't figure out what. It scares me, though, to think that something out there is taking all this effort to target _you. _I want to protect you, Sammy, but I don't know how to. _You're _the clever one; finding out about all this crap is your thing, but I don't want you to look into this. _I _don't even want to, because I don't want to find anything bad. I need to know what's coming after you, but I don't want to, in case it's so bad that I can't kill it. I'm guessing, though, that you've made the same connections and you're already trying to find out what's going on; you just don't want to tell me, for the same reason I don't want to look. I _will _figure this out, Sammy, and I _will _fix it, no matter what. Nothing's going to get you, Sammy.

I shouldn't make promises like that, I know. I can't promise you absolute safety, and that's the worst thing. I wish I could say that I'm definitely going to make it all better and that you're going to be fine, but I can't. I will try my hardest to keep you safe; you know the lengths I'll go to, but I can't guarantee that you won't get hurt. I will die before I let anything happen to you, but that might just happen, Sammy. We have literally no idea what we're going up against, and, if it ends badly, I'm sorry I couldn't keep you safe. I can't think like that, though, I have to think that we're going to kill this thing. Plus, the thought of you being hurt, or even worse, is just too much for me to think about. I will fight til the death for you, Sammy; I would die for you, you know that, right? As long as that _thing _dies, I don't care what happens to me. **You** are what matters.


	9. 09

**A/N: A relatively short one, but enjoy :) This one's set at the very end of season 1, when they get ploughed into by the truck. This is the last of the ones that I've pre-written, but I'll get on to writing more as soon as I finish the fic I'm working on right now!**

Hey, Sammy. I know this sounds weird, but this is the happiest I've been in about two years. Sure, we're on the run _again_, and something's trying to kill us, _again, _but at least we're together again: me, you and Dad, fighting the good fight. It's just like old times, evil son of a bitch included. We're going to beat this thing, Sammy, I just know it. It's like we're finally catching a break: we've found Dad, we've got the Colt, and we've escaped death so many times that I've lost count. Yeah, we didn't kill the demon, and I got pretty hurt, but we can fix that. I hope. No, I don't hope, I _know. _This demon is going to die, Sammy, no matter what, we'll make sure of it. Nothing comes after this family and gets away with it.

But, in a selfish way, I don't want to kill it. This is the closest we've been as a family since we were little, and I don't want to lose that. You and Dad argued, but that was inevitable, and right now we're all happy, right? Well, not happy, but we're not ripping out each other's throats, which is a first for you and Dad. What'll you do when all of this is over, Sammy? You keep saying that you'll go back to Stanford, and that hurt a lot when you told me, but will you really? Can you really turn your back on me and Dad again, knowing that we're so much better off as a trio? I really thought I'd changed your mind on hunting, but if you really insist on going, I won't stop you. I just can't believe you really want to go back to that place, after everything that happened there, and everything that we've been through since you left. If you do go, you know I won't stop worrying about you. You're my weakness, Sammy, my Achilles Heel, and demons know that now. I guess I'm just scared that if I piss something off enough, it'll come for you and you'll be unprepared.

I'm glad to see that you're relaxing back into the hunting life, Sammy, which makes me doubt that you'll actually go back to normality. Sure, it's safe, but it's not _you. _You're calming down now, after Jess's death, and I just think that going back there would make you go all crazy again. I heard you say something just now that really made me smile, Sammy. "Killing the demon isn't the most important thing". You could've killed Dad to kill the demon, but you didn't, and that made me proud, Sammy. You might've let the demon get away, but you became human again, Sammy. I've been so worried about you, what with Jess and the visions and all that, but that moment just reminded me that you are still you. It doesn't even matter that the demon got away; we'll get it eventually, we always do.

Do you think Mom would be proud of us, Sammy? Me, you and Dad, fighting to avenge her and saving a crapload of people in the process? I'd like to think that she would be proud, watching over us as we save all those people in her name. And, I think she'd be happy to see you and Dad together again, getting along as well as you have done in such a long time. Yeah, she'd be happy. Oh, look at me getting all sappy; I must be getting delusional from the pain. It really hurts, Sammy, but I can deal with it right now. I'm too, I don't know, _happy? _Yeah, I'm happy. As long as I've got you and Dad by my side, I can deal with anything at all.

Hey, Sammy, what's that? Oh, shit…


	10. 10

**A/N: Sorry it's been a while, I've just had a lot going on! Enjoy? This is set just after 'In My Time Of Dying'**

Hey, Sammy. You're in the Impala right now, sleeping, but I can't join you just yet. I'm standing out here, watching Dad's ashes. I can't believe he's gone. We spent all that time searching for him and now here he is, dead. I know you two didn't get along, but he was your _father, _so you must understand how I feel. Sure, he wasn't the world's best dad, but he tried really hard for us. He kept us safe in impossible circumstances, and I just know that he died so that you and I wouldn't be separated. You see, he knew that we're better together, you and I, so he always did everything in his power to keep it that way. He really did love us, Sammy, especially you.

You always were the favourite, Sammy, and I've always known that. Sure, Dad and I used to spend more_ time _together, but you two always had a stronger connection. I was just a soldier, someone for him to order around, but you were his _son. _He was devastated when you went away, but he was so proud. I was jealous of that, and I still am, but I've learned not to let it get to me anymore. I know that he loved me too, so I can just cling on to that.

I don't know what to do without him, Sammy. I know we do well together, but he was always there to protect us, even if we weren't aware of it. It hurts so much, Sammy; it's like a huge part of us is gone. We're _orphans _now, but we don't get to stop and mourn like normal people do. We have to carry on and fight, but I don't know how long I'm going to hold up. I want to stop and give Dad a real funeral, and maybe even just give up, but I know we can't. I know we have to beat yellow eyes, but I'm so _tired, _Sammy. Why can't we just have a normal life, where we don't have to worry about _demons?_ Why do we have to be soldiers? Why do we have to save everybody? Why can't somebody else deal with all this? We've lost so much, Sammy, and it's really making me sick. Will we ever be happy?

Actually, I shouldn't say that. I _am _happy, just not as happy as I would like to be. I've still got you, Sammy, and that's all I ever need to be happy. In the hospital, I was so terrified that nobody would know I was there, and I'd have to go, but you _knew. _You made the effort and tried every last thing until we were talking. You're so smart, Sammy; I never would have thought of the Ouija board. I hated seeing you so upset, and when you said _'we were just starting to be brothers again', _it actually broke my heart, so I was so glad when it worked and you could stop hurting, thinking I was dead. I couldn't leave you, Sammy; you know I never would if I could help it. You're right, though, we _have _just started to be brothers again. I'd never say this to you, but it was awful when you were gone. I couldn't cope without my baby brother, and when you came back, I was so happy.

There's something I need to tell you so badly, Sammy, but I don't think I can. How am I meant to tell you I either have to save you or kill you? Dad told me that would be the case, but how could I even think about killing you? I keep playing that message again and again in my head, and it's tearing me apart. I will do everything in my power to save you, Sammy, you know that I will, but if I can't, I don't think I could kill you. No, I couldn't. There is no way that I'm going to kill you, not even if you go completely dark side. Please don't make me be faced with that choice, Sammy. I don't know why I'd have to, but _please _don't make me have to put a gun to your head and watch the life leave you; I just couldn't do it.

I don't want to think about that any more. I don't want to think about anything anymore, so I'm going to go get some whiskey, I think. I won't wake you up to book in to a motel because you look so peaceful, and you need sleep; you've had just as rough a time as I have lately. We'll sleep in the Impala tonight. Well, you will. I don't think I'll sleep tonight. But, that's okay, I'll watch over you and make sure you're okay, that'd make me happy. I love you, Sammy. We're going to really need each other in the upcoming weeks, and if I seem like I'm struggling, I'm sorry.


	11. 11

I'm worried about you, Sammy. Well, I'm always worried about you, but this time you've really freaked me out. I'm having a hard time dealing with Dad's final message to me, but you seem to have just accepted it, like you've resigned. I know you feel like you have to save everybody, because of the murders, but when you can't save somebody, it's just fate. You don't go and get drunk and insist that I kill you. That's such a _me _thing to do, Sammy, and you're better than that. You're stronger than that. And there is no way in Hell that I am ever going to kill you. I can't even imagine doing it, Sammy. You're my baby brother; you're my only family and the only thing I truly care about, so don't think for a second that I'll ever do it.

You are not evil, Sammy, no matter how much you think you are. So what if you can't save everybody? None of it's your fault; it's not like you're the one killing the people, is it? Please, Sammy, I need you to be strong. I know it's way too much to ask for, when I'm losing my shit all over the place, but you can't give in. If you give up, who knows what'll happen? You have to keep fighting the good fight with me, and not letting _anything _that anyone says stop you. We need to be good little soldiers, like Dad moulded us to be. It might not be fair, Sammy, but neither is our life. Is it fair that we had to move from home to home, without our mother, never making friends, never having anything? No, it's not. And I wish I could have changed things and at least made life better for you, but I couldn't, and I can't make things better for you now. Sure, I can try to cheer you up or make you laugh, but that's only temporary. You have to look inside yourself, Sammy, and _know _that you are not going to turn evil. You can't doubt yourself; I don't doubt you. I know that you are a good person, Sammy, and you won't become bad, but you have to believe it. I know you're hurting right now, and nothing seems right any more since Dad died, but please, Sammy, be strong. For me.


End file.
